Plenty of advice exists for people practising a language. Much less exists for the person on the other side — the one chatting comfortably in their first language while the stranger across from them is doing real mental work. If that's you, you're not just a conversation partner. You're quietly hosting. The good news is that hosting well takes a handful of small habits, not saintly patience.
How to tell, without making it a thing
You can usually spot it in the first minute. Sentences arrive in short blocks. There's a pause just before the verb, or a half-second where you can almost hear someone searching for a word. Questions come back to you in a slightly formal register — the register of textbooks. In text chat, messages are shorter and slower, and sometimes a word is spelled the way it sounds.
What you should not do is announce your discovery. "Is English your second language?" isn't offensive, but it changes the subject to their performance rather than their point. If it matters, they'll tell you, often in the first few exchanges. Until then, just adjust quietly and keep talking about whatever you were talking about.
Slow down without talking down
The instinct is to simplify vocabulary. That's usually the wrong lever. Most learners have a far bigger reading vocabulary than speaking vocabulary — they know the word "exhausted," they just can't produce it at speed. What actually trips people up is delivery and structure.
- Put space between sentences. One idea, then a beat. Native speakers chain clauses endlessly with "and," "so," "which is why" — that's the hard part, not the words.
- Go easy on phrasal verbs. "I got around to sorting it out" is much harder than "I finally organised it," even though the second sentence has longer words.
- Watch idiom clusters. One idiom is charming and worth learning. Three in a row is a wall.
- Don't get louder or over-enunciate. Exaggerated mouth shapes make speech less recognisable, not more, and being spoken to like a child is the fastest way to end a conversation.
Keep your normal warmth and your normal opinions. The aim is to be followable, not bland.
Four repair moves that actually work
Misunderstandings will happen. How you handle the repair is most of the experience.
- Rephrase instead of repeating. If a sentence doesn't land, saying it again the same way rarely helps. Say the same idea with different words — you're giving them a second route to the meaning.
- Use the text box. On a video or audio call, typing one word solves a problem that two minutes of guessing won't. Seeing a word spelled is often all someone needs.
- Offer a word, then hand it back. When someone is clearly hunting for a term, you can supply it — "a landlord?" — and then let them finish their own sentence. Don't complete the whole thought for them; that's taking the story away.
- Confirm rather than quiz. "So you moved there last year?" is easy to answer with a yes. "Sorry, what did you say?" makes them rebuild everything from scratch.
Choose topics they can stand on
Abstract debate is the hardest terrain in a second language, because the vocabulary is specialised and the stakes of being misread are high. Concrete, personal territory is far easier: their neighbourhood, their job, what people eat at home on a weekday, how they got into whatever they're into. These are subjects where they're the expert and you're the learner, which also rebalances a conversation that might otherwise feel one-sided.
Resist the urge to correct unless you've been asked to. And skip the generic compliment — "your English is so good" puts their language back under the spotlight. Better to respond to what they actually said. Nothing signals fluent communication more clearly than being taken seriously about the content.
If they never turn their camera on, that's fine; audio and text are often more comfortable when you're already concentrating hard. Leave the last word with something they told you. That's what people remember.